last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Randomize