She's JV to your varsity
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
