"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Sober January is a disaster.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
