Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize