Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize