I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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