Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
