the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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