My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
