just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
