Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
