Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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