fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I didn't notice because vodka
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
