you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
