Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
