I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
