All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
