I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
