Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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