I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
