nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm both gender and math confused
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
