I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
