I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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