Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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