Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize