No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
