she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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