somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
