HIV tests are more positive than that guy
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
