you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
