it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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