wakey wakey hands off snakey
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
