apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
