i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
