It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
