last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
