We won't sleep together?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
