Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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