I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
