M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
