the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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