So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
