: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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