i was born a porn star she said
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
