I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
