I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
