pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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