I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
