it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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