I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
