apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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