it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
