So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
