i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
