I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
