And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize