Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
