I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm sobbing to NWA
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
