We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
