It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
