Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Sorry about my life...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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