I'm gonna have a badass scar
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
