Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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