every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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