bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
