I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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