How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
