Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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