when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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